What if I don't feel grateful?

It's widely accepted that a regular Gratitude Practice is a great thing to have - it helps us with being mindful of the small things, and to have wonderment for the great things in our lives - like getting to watch a butterfly, or walking up Conic Hill at Loch Lomond, looking across the loch and all the little islands and the amazing beauty, and feeling grateful to have the physical ability to do that and the senses to see, hear and feel the experience - I get that.  I can be bursting with gratitude in these moments.

But what about the days that you're feeling so overwhelmed with difficult feelings (eg. shame, anger, hatred, disgust), that gratitude simply isn't possible?  If you have a strong inner critic (like I used to have regularly), then chances are, you'll emotionally beat yourself up for not feeling grateful.  Some people call this the second arrow - already feeling crap, then beating yourself up for feeling crap.  On days like this, it can be anything but useful to read something telling you to find something to be grateful for.  For me, that can be the equivalent of telling someone I'm feeling crap and them saying "Well at least you're still alive" or "There are people worse off than you", or "Well think of the things you're grateful for" (and I turn that against myself into "You should be grateful right now"....ah yes....my inner critic can have a field day with this).

In times like this, I've sometimes written a Non-gratitude list, which looks something like this:

- I should be grateful for my physical health, but I'm not and that's okay
- I should be grateful for the roof over my head, but I'm not and that's okay

You get the picture.  

Maybe sometimes, the only gratitude I can manage is to be grateful that I don't need to feel grateful.  

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